Mondays are depressing. Especially today. I'm really trying to figure out what the heck is going on in my head. It's really confusing. I swear, there's more than one person up there.
It's so frustrating, I'm feeling kind of outgoing, and then something happens and my confidence disappears. And I want to hide. And I really want people to get out of my personal space. Now.
Being around 900+ people for eight hours a day is not fun. I mean, I guess parts are. Science was fun. I got to sit on a rolling board. And be a turtle. A spinning turtle of doom.
I just don't like the fact that everyone there expects something of you. It's true. Even in the hallways. Where they probably just expect you to get out of their way.
Maybe I should move to England.
Youth group last night was insanely fun.
A player loves no pants.
Everybody loves Buffalo lumps!
But nobody loves neverneverpants.
Because they don't exist.
10/18/2007
...alone is not lonely...
What was your motivation?
The power.
When you walk down that crowded hall, every face turns to stare.
In some, you can see the glint of fear shimmering in their eyes.
They quickly look away.
You smile inwardly, still careful to keep a dead expression glued to your face.
You show no weakness, and no joy.
Is it such a sorrowful existence you lead?
Was it great pain that made you streak your face with artificial tears?
What is it you are afraid of?
If they really know me, they will hurt me, you say to yourself.
Many have let you down before, it won't happen again.
But, unable to trust, you are left alone.
Are you really that self-sufficient?
Can you exist without being touched by the lives of others?
You have drawn inward, failing to take part in the community of souls, failing to share the tears, the laughter, the pain, the joy.
But it is not a failure.
You know where your worth lies.
It lies not with the assortment of people some call friends.
You do not deal in that currency.
You like to be alone, yet you are not lonely.
The two do not always go hand-in-hand.
There are some you trust.
Looks can be deceiving.
They are not always there, but they know when they should be.
Be close, and yet far, you tell them. They understand.
So you sit alone, your favorite place, and you create.
The power.
When you walk down that crowded hall, every face turns to stare.
In some, you can see the glint of fear shimmering in their eyes.
They quickly look away.
You smile inwardly, still careful to keep a dead expression glued to your face.
You show no weakness, and no joy.
Is it such a sorrowful existence you lead?
Was it great pain that made you streak your face with artificial tears?
What is it you are afraid of?
If they really know me, they will hurt me, you say to yourself.
Many have let you down before, it won't happen again.
But, unable to trust, you are left alone.
Are you really that self-sufficient?
Can you exist without being touched by the lives of others?
You have drawn inward, failing to take part in the community of souls, failing to share the tears, the laughter, the pain, the joy.
But it is not a failure.
You know where your worth lies.
It lies not with the assortment of people some call friends.
You do not deal in that currency.
You like to be alone, yet you are not lonely.
The two do not always go hand-in-hand.
There are some you trust.
Looks can be deceiving.
They are not always there, but they know when they should be.
Be close, and yet far, you tell them. They understand.
So you sit alone, your favorite place, and you create.
10/05/2007
Little House on the Bomb Range
We watched Mythbusters in science today. The sub was a french teacher.
I really want to take russian next year.
Um, I'm pretty sure I don't look like that much of an emo. So I don't know what their problem was. Speaking of having problems, this one guy in my math class... oh my gosh, don't even get me started.
Color Bombz is amazing. It wins for fastest dye job ever. It's a spray, it comes in a bunch of colors, and it shows up just as well on dark hair as on light. It kind of flakes (really miniscule flakes, they look like glitter), and comes out if you shake your head or run your fingers through it. But it looks cool when it does that, especially in the sun. Seriously, I put it in in like five minutes or less. And it comes out next time you shower. I give it a four out of five.
My History class is holding a trial for Shi Huangdi. Who happens to have been dead for quite some time.
I really want to take russian next year.
Um, I'm pretty sure I don't look like that much of an emo. So I don't know what their problem was. Speaking of having problems, this one guy in my math class... oh my gosh, don't even get me started.
Color Bombz is amazing. It wins for fastest dye job ever. It's a spray, it comes in a bunch of colors, and it shows up just as well on dark hair as on light. It kind of flakes (really miniscule flakes, they look like glitter), and comes out if you shake your head or run your fingers through it. But it looks cool when it does that, especially in the sun. Seriously, I put it in in like five minutes or less. And it comes out next time you shower. I give it a four out of five.
My History class is holding a trial for Shi Huangdi. Who happens to have been dead for quite some time.
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